It is almost Valentine’s Day and there is love in the air! We love our kids more than anything else in this world and we like to assume they know that, but with the busyness of life, many of us struggle to slow down and really connect with our kids each day. Not only does this strain our relationship with our kids, but it also invites bedtime battles as kids demand the attention they’ve been craving while we are trying to get them down for bed.
What’s the solution to this, you ask? Special time! I first encountered the idea of special time in Dr. Jane Nelsen’s Positive Discipline and it was such a huge aha moment for me. We can’t give our kids our undivided attention all day long. It’s simply not possible with the all the demands of work and life. Moms balance so many things each day - jobs, laundry, grocery shopping, dishes, cleaning, meal prep, cooking, tidying, wiping noses, changing diapers, settling disagreements - the list goes on and on. But despite all of this we CAN and SHOULD set aside ten minutes a day (per child) for special time. If there are obstacles that make this difficult for you, tell me about them in the comments and I will help you find a creative solution!
Special time is a magical time when your child has your full and undivided attention. No to-do lists, no screens, no phones, no siblings, no distractions. Just ten minutes to play together in whatever way your child chooses. That part is important - let your child lead the play. Your job during special time is to follow your child’s lead and to do your best to connect with him. Avoid giving ideas during this time and focus instead on making observations about what your child is doing and let him take pride in showing you.
In our house, special time is called “Brynn time”. In another house it may be called “Jacob time” and “Emma time”. I only recently discovered the idea of naming special time after your child from Dr. Laura Markham and I absolutely love it! This will be especially helpful for families with more than one child because it may be hard for Jacob to understand why he doesn’t get to do special time with his mom and little sister, but it will be much easier for him to understand that “Jacob time” is for him and “Emma time” is for Emma.
Adding special time to your daily routine will make such a positive difference in your relationship with your child. It will help you connect with your child, build a firm foundation of trust, and show your child just how important they really are to you. Oftentimes making just this one change in your daily routine will bring about many positive changes in your child’s behavior.
Special time is so important that I include it in every preschool sleep plan I write. Because parents feel confident that they have met their child’s emotional needs during special time, they are able to set firm bedtime boundaries and enforce them lovingly without doubting themselves. Oftentimes special time also leads to children being less resistant to the bedtime routine. Children are typically more cooperative after having special time because their need for undivided attention has been met and they feel secure in their attachment to their parents.
So this Valentine’s Day, give your child the gift of a daily special time. It’ll take some time to get into the habit but I promise it will be worth it - it’ll be a gift that just keeps on giving.
Check out our free Sleep Resource Bundle if you’d like another gift that just keeps on giving! ;)